A season of brokenness

I find a lot of things overrated. A few things that are high on the list would be wearing pants or eating salad. Both things just seem unnecisarry and Jesus said don't conform to the patterns of this world so i'm just trying to be obedient.

On a more serious side, there are a few things on the list that are a little different than not liking to wear pants. There is this trend that I see happening, a trend that I have fallen into but I am starting to find overrated. Almost more overrated than wearing pants, and that's that you have to be okay in times of brokenness. That is just not true, but more importantly it's not biblical.
 I want to speak on this to let you know that it's okay to not be okay, it's actually healthy.
 Jesus never said, "in this world you are going to have trouble [and in that trouble I'm going to need you to act like you are completely fine with it.]" HE SAID, "In this world you are going to have trouble but take heart, for I have overcome the world." 


This life is messy. It hurts and sometimes you are going to be broken. That brokenness isn't a sign of weakness or distrust in the Lord, it's just a season of life that God has called you into and if you accept this, it can be the most beautiful season of growth. 

Here is what I see in my own life: I don't like not being okay. I recently went through a time that was a little bit messy. I didn't understand why God was leading me into it and I just felt confused. It was a time where I was being asked how I was a lot. In my head I would think, "i'm not okay at all actually...." but that's not what I would say, instead of owning my brokenness, I covered it up with the "I"m fine, it's all going to be okay!" response. 

Not owning what I was really dealing with, or how I was feeling, I was stunting the growth that Jesus was trying to grow in my walk with Him. 
 That is why it's okay, to not be okay. When we finally sit in the brokenness and our "not being okay" we get to accept the healing that only Jesus can bring. 


"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up." Hosea 6:1

I don't think in that moment, the people of Israel would have said, "ya man, all is good!" 
They were broken.
They had gone through moments of unfaithfulness, but in this moment, they were returning to God, admitting their brokenness because they were able to see that that was the only way that healing was going to happen. If you don't admit you are broken, you can't accept His healing. It was in that return to God that they got to fully accept and experience the goodness of his promises.


For me, I was able to admit to Jesus that I was broken, because at the moment in time, there was no denying it to Him but it was admitting it to my community that was hard. I don't like being seen as weak, but it's in this time that I learned that being weak is the perfect time for Jesus to show His strength. Admitting it to others was a crucial step in admitting it to myself, that is why it is a part in letting Jesus heal you. He uses the love and support and wisdom of others to teach you the beauty in your brokenness. 

I have seen my fair share of broken times, and there will be many more to come, but I will face them with the promise that he is still bigger than all of it. He strengthens us in this time and without it we would stay the same, and he has called us to so much more than staying where we are. 
"I have come so you may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

God didn't keep Jesus from the cross and he won't keep you from anything that will make you more like his son.



 


 

Faithful Laughter

I like to imagine Jesus with his disciples, sitting around the dinner table, maybe they are laughing over something said, maybe they are laughing over a spilled drink, regardless, I believe there was laughter.

There are two distinct mentions of laughter in the bible, two different women, both regarding the same circumstance: uncertainty.

Sitting in senior year of college I am faced with my own uncertainty. I get reminded of it often, by myself and others, it's the hot topic of conversation almost everywhere I go. Most questions look like this:

"What are you doing after graduation?"
"Where do you think you'll be living?"
"Is it weird that in 7 months you'll be somewhere else?"

What people don't know is every time one of theses is asked, another notch in the "sara freak out meter" rises.


I want to laugh with assurance that Jesus is greater than my uncertainty but i'm too afraid that this laughter will be the sound of disbelief instead.


Sarah and Abraham were, as the bible puts it "very old", not just old, but VERY old. So you can imagine what thoughts were rushing through her head when she overhead the promise being made to her husband, that they would conceive a child. We look at her and think, how could you laugh???? Do you not trust the Lord??? But let's be real here, I probably would have laughed too. I can't blame her, I just don't want to be her.

"So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Genesis 18: 12

My question is- how do we get to a place where the laughter is matched with faith, and it's a sound of peace and assurance instead of disbelief and fear?

There's another passage covering laughter, one that we have all heard at every woman's talk:

"She is clothed with STRENGTH and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

This woman laughs too. She laughs at her circumstances, her future and her uncertainty because she has tapped into the source of peace. The future to her isn't scary, it's exciting.
She can do this because she is clothed in strength: that strength that the bible is talking about is not our own strength, but only that of the Lord.


There are two distinct differences with these two woman:

Laughter in the disbelief: Sarah can't see past her human head knowledge, to understand that "His ways are not our ways" She is not laughing out of trust, she is laughing out of disbelief, like it's just too crazy to actually happen. Too often we are Sarah, we just can't see how it could work out so God's plans become comical to us.

Laughter in the belief: The woman in Proverbs is laughing because she knows that she is taken care of, so to stress out over the uncertain, is just well, laughable. She sits secure at the feet of Jesus, taking in all of his promises because she has tapped into the peace that surpasses all understanding. She laughs, not because Jesus is a great joke teller but because she is found and secure in the promises he has given us.


I feel like I'm on a crossroad, my laughter can go either way, I could look at God and laugh because those dreams he has placed in my heart, those plans he wants for me, are just too crazy, they aren't possible. But that's not the response he calls us to. I want to laugh at my days to come because I can trust in my faithful father who has carried me this far, no matter what is thrown at me, or how out of reach it may seem, I get to rest secure, no matter how crazy the situation he calls me into may look.

God shows up when the possible ends, and the impossible begins.
My prayer is that your days are filled with laughter that is matched with faith.
Trust his crazy plans for your life. Laugh off the uncertainty and sit in the security that you are His.

Staying certain in the uncertainty

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

un·swerv·ing

ADJECTIVE

1. not changing or becoming weaker; steady or constant:

 

I've always heard that as you get older, time just seems to move faster. I have never really given it much thought, until now. I am entering my senior year of college, and as I type that I still can't really grasp that. I look at the incoming freshman, excited, nervous, anxious about what these next few years hold for them. In a lot of ways, I can relate a lot to them. Those are exactly my emotions as I look into my next few years ahead. While sometimes I wish I was still that scared freshman trying to navigate the bus routes and figuring out what it meant to make my own meals, I know that that's no longer my stage of life, instead I get to be the scared senior, trying to figure out what it means to do this whole "adult" "real world" thing that everyone talks about.  

 

 

 

Everyday I am answering the question "What are you doing when you graduate?"

This is a question I have grown to dread because my only response is "I don't know"

 

That interaction has caused a lot of doubt, and nervousness about the journey ahead. If I'm being completely honest, it's caused a lot of dis-trust with The Lord. It's like I have completely erased his faithfulness over my life- and all I can see now is uncertainty.

 I am too consumed on making the right choice, to see that I already made the right choice when I gave my life and my decisions over to Him.

 

 

The consistency and faithfulness of Jesus doesn't change. Our stages in life are meaningless to Him and the overall plan of His kingdom work.

[Whether we get that job, or decide to take the other one, or maybe we decide to go a completely different route, maybe you end up doing something completely irrelevant to your major.]

 

Here's the key question: Is it brining glory to The Lord?

 

That is all the Lord wants from you. He wants you to do HIS work, wherever you go. He isn't going to abandon you in the process of choosing that job, but what we have to realize is not all choices come with flashing signs that say "CHOOSE THIS ONE" or "GO THIS DIRECTION"

Jesus isn't a cheap genie that is trying to give you three wishes to make all your dreams come true and all your choices easy. He is a faithful Father that wants His children to serve Him, in all aspects of their life, wherever they are, in whatever they are doing.


Although these lies sneak in, I am able to speak truth over them and remember that my hope is in an unswerving Father who loves me and who has always been more faithful than I can comprehend. I know that whatever this next stage brings, He will be in it, leading and guiding me in all my steps.


This is a growing process that I am learning to find Joy in. I am getting to trust in The Lord in ways that I never have before and because of that, I thank Him. I am not going to look at it as a scary or uncertain stage of my life, but as a new adventure and new ways to learn and serve my Jesus.


I am choosing to celebrate this uncertainty because I am certain of His faithfulness.

Instagram isn't real

Can we just get something out of the way? Something that I feel really needs to be said, something that I myself, have to constantly tell myself...here it goes..ya ready?

Instagram isn't real.  I know know.... whatttt?????
THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!!!


All jokes aside, I'm going to get real for a second...this little app that I use on a daily basis is the tool that satan uses to distract me from the {MANY} blessings I have in my life.


Here me out: this isn't a "everyone should delete instagram, it's so bad for you" rant
This is a "please see that everyone is broken and no one's life is perfect" rant
(I prefer to not call it a rant but ya know if you must)

Here is what I want my point to be:
sweet daughter of the King, please understand that her life is not perfect. I can promise you what you see on your phone is not what she sees through her eyes.

So, she ordered her Aggie ring AND got engaged...all in the same semester, and had about 300+ likes on her family ski trip, and of course here is an artsy pic with her bible and coffee so her relationship with Jesus must be perfect and basically she's perfect....

**now you're rolling your eyes, closing the app (for 2 minutes) and you're over analyzing your life, wondering why it's not hers**

Can I tell you what you aren't doing while you are (probably just creeping on this girl you don't even know) you aren't seeing that she is a sister. That she faces the same struggles that you do on a daily basis, you don't see that satan is also attacking her. Instead, you are choosing to allow the enemy to form a wall between the family.

As sons and daughters, brothers and daughters, we are called to bring people into the family. Into the family that sees them as redeemed, loved, cherished, and saved.


We are not called to sit and waste our lives comparing ourselves to them, wishing we had their lives. Do we not see what that does to our Father?

We are saying that we don't care about the story he has for us, we would rather have hers. We don't care about the work he has for us, we would rather do hers. We don't care about the gifts for the kingdom he has for us, we would rather use hers.

Jesus knit YOU together in YOUR mothers womb for good works he prepared in advance for YOU.

So, what do you do? Do you delete instagram?
Do what you feel called but I will say this, instagram isn't the problem, it's just a tool the devil has at his fingertips to easily access our deepest insecurities.

I don't have a quick fix formula, what I do have is just my own testimony.
Pray for that girl.
Pray for the girl that you just stalked for 45 minutes
Pray for her heart, for her struggles, for her walk with Lord.

While you're at it, don't forget to pray for yourself, pray that the Lord can give you a new perspective on His plans for you. Most importantly I hope you pray that Jesus can change your heart. That we can all understand that instagram isn't real, that life is hard and we are all broken.
 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive TOGETHER with Christ." (Ephesians 2:4)


Sweet sister, don't forget, we are in this together.

Let it be Jesus

let:
1.not prevent or forbid, allow
synonyms: permit to, give permission to

be: 

1. exist
2. occur; take place
synonyms: occur, happen, come out, arise

"let it be Jesus" is the title and main verse of a song that was sung at passion, it's also the same line that has been stuck in my head for the past few days.

When I think about this song it reminds me that as we go through storms, the first name we should call upon is our Jesus, but as the verse continues to play in my head, it began to hit a different place in my heart that I just couldn't understand. I felt like Jesus was trying to tell me something, so I decided to really think about what it meant to "let it be Jesus"



Here's the thing- we let words become to mundane to us. We hear words like "let" and "be" and we really don't think much of it, we know what these words mean so why do I need to look any deeper?

One of my favorite things is to take words like "let" and "be" and see what there given definition is, not the definition we think it to have in our heads. Usually, by doing this simple act we are able to transform a sentence and unpack all new power to it.

When I look at the definition of these simple words it makes me realize that i'm not supposed to just "let it be Jesus" i'm supposed to "give permission for him to arise"

Here's what I mean by that:
Jesus can't work through us until we surrender to him.
The good He wants for us is ultimately tied to our obedience to letting him take root in our lives. Jesus desires for us to be set free, but we have to accept that freedom by dying to ourselves.

My biggest issue is that my heart is trying to "let it be Jesus" but my actions aren't truly giving him permission. When I don't give him the permission to work through me, then it's me trying to use my own strength which leads me nowhere. All i'm getting from the situation is frustration. Frustration in myself and ultimately frustration with The Lord.

"Why is this not working out??"

As I am looking back at these different situations I am clearly seeing that I was falling into the lie that I am afraid a lot of us do.

I try to half-heartadly surrender because that's what makes me the most comfortable.
Here is where that backfires: Where we don't give full permission to Jesus, He can't arise within us.

He wants to use you for His glory, but until we begin to turn the light on Him and off of us, we will continue to fall into the trap of "letting it be us" while we are pretending it's Jesus. 

Jesus is teaching me that there is no such thing as a half-hearted surrender. He didn't humble himself and die on the cross so that we could choose both of us. He sacrificed himself for the sake of all, so that all may have the chance to humble themselves and follow him.

My charge seems simple, but it takes sacrifice.
Let Jesus not just IN your life but let him BE your life.

You won't regret what arises with the permission from surrender.

Rope Burn and Skinned Knees

One of the biggest things that I struggle with, is in my mind, choosing what I lay at the feet of Jesus and what I keep for myself. In my head I have two columns, one if for Jesus, and one is for me.

We have all heard things like: 
"take up our cross and follow him."
"die to ourselves"
"we must become less, and he must become more"

All of those things are completely true, and I honestly think we do believe those things, but how many of us actually do them?

We paint these verses on canvass to hang in our houses, we highlight them in our bible, we share them on facebook...Why? Because we can see that they matter. There is something in us that connects with the idea that we must let Jesus take control of our lives.

But how many of us actually let him?

For me, I don't mind Jesus having control on situations that I know I really can't control.
My struggle isn't letting him have control of my problem it is letting him have ALL of the control, no matter the outcome.

If you're honest with yourself you can see that you might share in this struggle with me.
I feel like I try to control certain situations because I feel like by me having control, I get to determine the outcome.

Have you ever played Tug Of War with an opponent that you knew was going to beat you? You size them up and you can see that they are going to end up pulling you across that line. Some people might run away, but it is in my character to go "i'll show you" and I fight until they have gotten me off my feet and are pulling me across that line.

This is how I imagine myself when I try and take control of my life.
God is on the other side of the rope going "okay really Sara, you see this can't end well"
and it's like I say back to Him "No really God, i've got this!"
And I pull and I pull and I pull and what's the result?
After rope burn, and skinned knees from fighting it, I am on the other side, looking up at God going "Okay you were right"


Maybe you follow my analogy, maybe you think I'm completely wrong but when we cling so tightly to our plans, our dreams and our goals, instead of placing them at His feet, we are in a losing battle. We can grip as tight as we want to but God is going to win, every time.

More times than not I come with scrapped knees, and rope burn because I am a hard-headed girl that thinks that my ideal outcome of the situation is more important than giving Him control.

Every single time God shows me that there is a reason he says to give him our life, ALL of it, not just the parts we want to.
and every single time God is there with band-aids for my knees and medicine for my rope burn because even in my stubbornness His grace abounds.

My heart behind this is to help someone that might be a little bit like me. Maybe you think you have a grasp on your life, and you can decide what you lay at His feet, but please, take it from someone that has been there (more times than I like to admit) let go of the rope and run to the other side.

Giving Him my tomorrow

God tends to talk to us in ways and at times where we don't expect it. I am currently sitting at a table with my notes in front of me getting ready to take a test. While I am studying for that test I have my earphones in, nothing out of the ordinary, I like to have simple background music to drown out the outside noise. One of my favorite artists to listen to while I study is Shane & Shane. I have listened to all of their songs probably 100 times each, but for some reason today, their song "crucify Him" stuck out to me like it never had before. Here are some of their lyrics: 


I sing, "Hosanna!" when I want it all.
Then I crucify the Son of God.
Cause He isn't who I always thought.
Not what I want, but what I needed.
I sing, "How great and mighty is the King!"  
Just as long as He considers me
High above every other thing.
Even His glory.

It's packaged differently than Pharisees.
Wrapped in sing-a-longs and Christianese.
Empty hallelujahs to the King.
When my heart is loving idols.
A man of sorrows acquainted with grief,
He had no form; He had no majesty.
How could He have the audacity
To ask me to give Him my tomorrow?


 I think these lyrics are hitting me so hard today because I have come to the reality that this is exactly what I do to Jesus. 
Too many times than not, I put my own desires, my own plans and my own self before His glory. If I'm being completely honest, I do it ALL the time. It's a battle that I have within myself, to keep doing this. My heart longs to pursue Jesus and let Him have my life, but the moment it turns into something that makes me uncomfortable, I run for the hills. 

For some reason I forget the part that sometimes, things are going to hurt, and in that hurt we might not always understand why we are walking through it, but that shouldn't change our pursuit of Jesus. If anything it should make it stronger, knowing that He is the only one that can get us to the other side. 

So you can see my problem, I have a heart to follow Jesus but my human nature kicks in and sometimes my longing to have my own plan seems to overshadow my surrender to The King. Jesus is really sweet with his conviction, I am starting to see that why I have such a hard time surrendering, even when it brings Him glory is because I have turned my desires, plans and pursuits of my life into my idols.

My heart can't cling to Jesus when it is so heavily clung to these idols. 

In my head I know what is right, I know that surrendering my life to Jesus is what I am supposed to do, no matter the cost, because ultimately it will bring ME good and HIM glory 
(What a great deal right?!) 
When you read that you're probably thinking "why would I not want that?" 
I do, I so desperately do, but I have to get my heart along for the ride in order for this deal to go down. 

 If you are like me, and this is a problem in your life these are some things that I am finding make it easier to surrender...

You have to figure out what the idol (or idols) in your life is. This is not a fun process because it's an idol for a reason. You are going to have to ask Jesus to reveal this to you, and help you to release it to Him. I have found the most surrender comes when you are completely honest with the Lord. 
What I have learned with idols is that you can't just "place" them before Him, sometimes you have to ask him rip them from you.

In my personal life, I have seen that I have to be honest with Him in the fact that I don't want to surrender, some things are easier than others but ultimately it's scary, knowing that releasing things to Him doesn't come without a cost. Jesus has done a lot of ripping lately and my heart is beginning to see the beauty of it.

Right now Jesus is teaching me that while it is uncomfortable to release my life to Him, it's the only way I can know true freedom. He is showing me that He is a faithful father that loves me, because of this I know that while it may not be easy, it is more than worth it to give Him my tomorrow.